You're so wrong. As described by a good friend of mine, it's kind of a 'haunting self-portrait'. A vicious bout of depression, in realization that I simply don't care to live. Don't want to hear me bitch? Then fuck off. Do something else.

You think being dumped or having your boyfriend cheating on you is real pain? You're wrong.

I'm 19. I have a false right hip. I have kidney failure, and have had a transplant. I am often in pain. Often. I have major intestinal problems, from a bowel obstruction after many, many surgeries. I have had surgery to keep my left hip from colapsing like my right did. It was a success... But now it continues to colapse. I depend on a milk extract pill called 'Micro-lactin' by Swiss. If I miss a day of it, I cannot walk. I am left in crippling pain. Prednisone has ruined my life. I'll leave it at that.

I may have to call my mother soon, and get her help writing up a Will.. If I die during surgery, for example, or when it comes time for my second transplant, I will likely just ask them to make it as painless as possible for me, and let me die. I'm so tired of life. And I sure as fuck don't want to die old..

I'm 19, and I've lived the suffering of so many other people. A friend told me one time, that we're like.. the drains for human kind. We collect all the horrible pains, filth. We suffer.. so that other people can bathe in happiness. I want to live in happiness too.. But I guess that isn't in the stars for me this time around...

You know what else is real pain? Holding your child, your young child, and giving him permission to die.. and he just slips away from cancer that you had thought so happily had been gone. I've never had to experience this.. But a woman in my city has.. I read her story, sort of a 'livejournal' thing.. It broke my heart. I thought I would share.

So don't come to me with your miserable bitching. I will offer you no sympathy. You people disgust me.